LEATHERIZED

I Am A Marty

2011-04-12T23:24:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone,
Martin has been sublimated.

iamaparty

hello from Martin Wall

2010-03-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hi there. How is everyone doing tonight? I am well. Thank you. I am taking a rare non poem post to let you all know, I am pausing to put this book together. I am putting a book together out of some poems. I am on the final steps of finishing it tonight. But it may mean there is some changes. I will keep you all posted.

Finishing this book makes me feel like I am up in the air from a group of people tossing me up with a sheet. That ain't bad. I don't think. I think it is alright. No problems here. It is hard for me sometimes. But it is worth it. It is a long term photograph of emotional sequencing.

I am all set. I am Martin Wall of Walmartia. My aisles are expansive. I have fun with you. I want to bring me with you. Whereevereever I goooo.

yes

2010-02-18T17:51:00.001-08:00

I am Moonly

barns are born
with hammers
and I am also
made through
impacts

these repeated impacts

artifact poem

2010-02-18T17:50:00.002-08:00

Because of What is Inside

when I see
the camera

my limbs
tighten

and all
I can do
is look away

not a money poem

2010-02-18T17:50:00.001-08:00

Ain’t Bankrupt

but I did just have an expensive surgery
that involved the one I love
cutting my foot open
and using a hot rod exhaust to suck
my heart out of my chest
so that it could be replaced
with a plastic bag

it has set me back
quite a bit

but I have no choice
but to work through it

falling poem

2010-02-18T17:49:00.002-08:00

Dumptruck Avalanche

the hydraulic lifting
of this mass
of little dirts
to get it on the ground
to shift and drive away

just poeems

2010-02-18T17:49:00.001-08:00

every time I talk about it I would put my hand over my mouth but it is shaking too

I will love you for the rest of this

so
predictably

too honest
child

too scary

all this
faith
in this
love

welcome to
these scaries

I say

leave behind your socks
if you are not sure of this

and then
it is me and
the socks
and the whats

love is a real object

that moved me
led by my torso

and then just socks

sigh poem

2010-02-18T17:48:00.002-08:00

Hotel Key

that plastic card
is handed over
to the elite member
now walking toward
the elevator
to enter the empty room
and throw the jacket
on the ottoman

I didnt pick the words of this poem

2010-02-18T17:48:00.001-08:00

Give Me a Call If Your Up

you keep

it doesn’t

I dont
I guess

I haven't

its difficult
I don't

but I'd rather not
I'd rather not

traveling poem

2010-02-18T17:45:00.002-08:00

Invisible Currnts

the flocks move in unison
through each other
and away from the highway

where I’m calm
between the cars
because I’m

not driving to the office
I’m almost home

animal poem

2010-02-18T17:45:00.001-08:00

It Feels Soft

the deer is nuzzling
while I nap on this
rock beneath the tree
near the creek bed

I nuzzle in
I notice exceptional
softness against me

I imagine the deer is a mutant with sharp teeth and ram horns and a snake tounge and lions feet and the tail of a monkey

but when I open
it is just a deer
and it is soft
I was so lucky
just before
scaring it off

vision poem

2010-02-18T17:44:00.001-08:00

Oh I See

When I see a
wedding band
my heart caves in
every time

I give in to the fact
that I will not be with you
until some funeral
and walk toward the siren
muttering to myself

silly little boy
don’t you know better

hah poem

2010-02-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

Just Ridiculous

I cant do anything about it
and I don’t know what to think
there is a little piece of me that syas everything here is toxic
step away and then there is my heart pulling toward no matter
oh geez to think I started off this poem to be funny

heart is an echo poem

2010-02-18T17:18:00.001-08:00

I Fear It Is My Nature

the flame
that touches
this plastic
heart

I am viral
and my love
will spread

you have said
no thank you

so I step back
but the uncontrollable beat

my love
I am sorry

but I truly cannot
help you
be alone

poem slowly moving

2010-01-25T20:14:00.001-08:00

Tank

I will take my pain
if that is what I must do
to find you looking happy again

poem without words

2010-01-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

The Rust Ain’t Far Off

and I don’t have guns
under this shirt
but I got some
wounds because
I am patron of
the lost cause

I lay down our
future at your feet

I witness the shape
your eyes are and
will never forget

the way I feel today
it is at least more familiar

and that is all I got right now

pathetic enough
to be my
consolation prize

mourning poem

2010-01-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

I Remember You Perfectly

Your cheeks
those softness

oh my love
I sigh at the passing

witnessing
redeath

I am sad again. I have a broken heart.

2010-01-22T18:32:00.000-08:00

I Don’t Know How This Feels

there are nanoworms
crawling all over
my organs
and they
are biting
too

I am the toothache
inside the bicuspid
body sized cavity

and I must bawling
every once and a while
at the thought of this

tiny cupid
telling me
you must

you must
move on

gym poem

2010-01-19T20:28:00.001-08:00

Bingo Devout

those metal doors
the sound of em
when I near
the table

I feel so common
so always stupid
for the chance

but I take kindly
dressy collars
and some totems
for good luck

oh hum so quietly
your songs

darling

marking every number
in your name

ducking poem

2010-01-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

Dinobird

we are holding on
this small antenna
just so

from here
the large bird flies
in front of the sun
and makes me think
there is a swooping

cause it looked
like there was
by the shadow of it

memory poem

2010-01-19T20:12:00.001-08:00

This Commute

I don’t remember
driving toward

poem of conviction

2010-01-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

Call Me a Convert Because I Really Do Believe In Love

there have been times
when I would laugh
or mockingly smile
at the thought of it

in my life
I have jumped
from the flatbed
to roll in the grass
while trying to figure out
the bad words in we will rock you

and many years later
I was a heartbroken kid
swearing all of it off

but now
guhness
this fullness is sincere
I am only sure because
I found out what empty was

that force
that true object
of lackness

and this us
is dwarfing
all that
nonsense

because all you are doing
is sitting there and I
couldn’t be happier
to be able to witness

and offer a companion
in this isolated drama

all I can do is shake my head
and hope you are sitting somewhere
that you can see my eyes right now

because my eyes
are what passion is
when it is silent

poem that is getting home from work

2010-01-07T21:05:00.001-08:00

Pop Songs Are Touching

I am
so many
stupid songs

when I drive
from the exit
back into town

I hear the top ten
and I imagine crying
on a bed in a trailer
behind wendy’s

my heart is a chubby teenager
but instead of worshipping some poster
I think of you in your body
sharing this real comfort

we are easily hugging
between the lamp
and the window

more ghost poem

2010-01-07T20:55:00.001-08:00

Hovering Flamingo

the thing that scares me
about ghosts is that they
will make me meet them

a ghost in my house that is
if I see a ghost on the sidewalk
I just don’t say anything

I mimic the quiet spirit

if one of these ghosts
walks through the living room
I will have to say something
and it is late
I just don’t have the energy
for anyone but you

when I turn off the tv
where the sport was
I imagine the mascot
following me to bed

poem that is better than drugs

2010-01-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

More Fine

you are not my pain drug

you are my antihammer
unsmashing my frame

poem like a ghost

2009-12-23T12:19:00.001-08:00

Some Dreams are Just Parrots

I am always surprised
when the dog vomits

there are spinning chairs
in my day there are wheels
for carpets and some for roads

my plunger
is a vile thing
that holds water

I am not disgusted
just comfortable enough

nearing poem

2009-12-07T03:33:00.000-08:00

Waitness

I look at
a calendar
sometimes

I use my fingers
to show spans
of days until

that time when I will hold you

it feels delicate
and rare like
something old
but I know better

I am casting hooks
into the clock

I try to snag
the hour hand
to move a little faster

no luck
oh well

I will give into easing

savor
slowly
near

poem involving small talk

2009-12-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

People I Know Only Believe Bad News

everyone is the same around here
it is silence to the bad things
and “no way” to the good

I let this whole thing
be implied in my life

I just look you in the eyes
and act pleasantly for the most part

otherwise I may say something
and both of us would like
to avoid that

tired poem

2009-12-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

It Is Always Late

all day long
I am late for
something

constant
run behinds
with sensations
of fatigue

this is not sad

it is just
the grind
the daily
challenges

weariness
can always
be conquered

even if I must
fall into chairs
and fall asleep fast
and always be plan

there ways
to sustain

I find them
in you
wherever you are

shaking poem

2009-12-05T10:27:00.000-08:00

The Passing Train Is Just Like Anything Else

It shakes the whole house
for a moment
while near

then all calm
when it distances

cold poem

2009-12-05T09:16:00.001-08:00

This Empty Building Is My House

in the bed
sometimes
I am very lonely
until I muster
the strength
to get up
and walk
to the window
and by then
if there is still lonely
it doesn’t really matter
anymore

there is snow outside
and I am standing
I will force myself
to think about that

window and/or longing poem

2009-12-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Full Sized Excavators

I am at the window
looking towards
the giant
machines
against the sunset

I get this
silly feeling like
there is a great hole out there
just waiting

this is what tall grass feels
when swaying softly against

I say outloud
we are a diamond mine

then look at the wall
I imagine you leaning
effortlessly

no cloud between us
no dust or kittens no

I say yup
we minin

I sentimentally
touch your photo

sighing poem

2009-11-27T12:45:00.000-08:00

Before I Sit

chair near a wall
that is lit
by a window

pile of boxes on the
other side of that door

oh this small number
of things I witness

the ache of
restless
busyness

another exiting poem

2009-11-27T00:40:00.000-08:00

towardwhich

toward door

there is something
to enjoy in these slow
motions there must be
I look around all the time
because there is not much
else to do I don't know
I think it makes me
look nervous
exiting
I like boring sometimes
I sigh on the steps

toward car

exiting poem

2009-11-26T21:36:00.000-08:00

Echoingy

shoes touch hardwood
as shouts are made

nothing angry
just loud

still
I pull my jacket
in around me

thanksgiving poem

2009-11-26T21:19:00.000-08:00

Towardache

the gathering
of people

more than can
fit on a warship

we are of hovercrafts
moving above rubber ducks

the goggles
stay on the rack
through the demolition

I will wave to you
while I throw the
smallest parts
of our walls
into the
crater

dirty bird poem

2009-11-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

Endzone

spiked football
bouncing up

touches my helmet
very quickly

just before I dance

poem on earth

2009-11-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

Itual

Where the island parts the river
that is where I place the plastic
skeleton in the water

I hold hands up
above my head
as I walk toward
the shore

sounds of small animals
I don’t need to crush
as I watch the flame
float away as it fills
with water quickly
extinguished

fall against
the wet dirt
imagining
someone walking
up behind me
shaking their head

I slightly raise my
eyebrows and nod

that makes my
reflection
move

flags poem

2009-11-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

That's

unnoticably I heal
I heal and I remember

that is
what's so
good

short vision poem

2009-11-08T00:03:00.000-08:00

Twenty Five Seconds of Vision

there was a marina
surrounded by
plastic in the shape
of boats next to a wide
river with trees at either side
near the foot of a mountain
where an antennae was on the peak
a few miles below the airplane
that disappeared into the cloud

my poems have always been love poems

2009-11-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

Painless Ain’t Touchy

I walk around town
in midday sunglasses

elegant flight
of birds above
I hear echoes
shake em off

I lean on the garbage can
and study the trashifacts
they don’t seem so bad
to me from here
they are powerless

I trip on the sidewalk
bodyskid and all
laughing and all I get up
shakeless knees

the terminator continued
because of programming
my emotions power me on
I continue towards you
and no one is shooting me
but if they were
no bother
bullets ain’t got shit
right now

effortless overcome
we will tower over me
protecting me to find you

short watery poem

2009-11-07T18:24:00.001-08:00

Usnuss

There are these two
lakebed stones
touching that
fish as I
pull reel
and up it
towards

mumpkin poem

2009-11-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

I’m Gonne Wrap My Arms Around You

sometimes when people dig
from one side of the earth to

I know I cannot dive in
then I will fall
through and off

but if I leverage
against this
rock

there will be slow
stretch armstrong action
and I will feel this entire distance

enduring the core
of the planet
to touch you

poem while imagining

2009-11-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

Power Makes Me Cry

sometimes when I share
my emotions publicly
I am overtaken
and cry
like a little
because I am so
happy to be saying
that exact phrase
to someone
after thinking it
so long

nonreligous poem

2009-11-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

Forest of Gosh

where the dirt is
that is where I lay down
there is no hippo nearing
I smell nothing

am free
of fear
for now

I roll from my stomach to my back
just to stare at the sun for a bit

I swear
in that moment Of white light
overtaking eyeballs
I saw the shape of you
like a body in the doorway
of the bedroom
late at night

shake it off
I doublecheck
no
you are not descending
not just yet

cryptic poem that isnt scared

2009-11-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Made of Bloods

I am
it has been proven to me
through force

there are birds and leaves
floating on air currents
twenty feet above my heart
and just below the tops of trees

right now
nothing is wrong at all

no retreat
nope
I know what
I am made of

I ain't scared

baseball poem, happy world serios.

2009-11-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

I Talk To You Like I Pitch Off a Mound

highandtight
fastballs that
movelike
curveballs

moving poem

2009-10-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

Close Up It Is Ground

mountain beside the road
that nears as you drive

through the fog
towards your exit

poem looking towards

2009-10-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

Soothentually

I hear horns

roll on the blanket

I long for your eyes where
my eyes are staring I vision

I welcome that hornet
the sting is no match
when you are soothing

yes yes I say
to myself
I know

patience
slow motions

not a bird startled
not a cat

we have grace
eventually

poem from today

2009-10-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

Traffically, Water in the Morning

many cars moving long distances
along highways in spread out packs
semi often burst of speed
brakings
I see the crack in the windshield
and reason my way around fixing it today
I am already late and behind
but alright I guess
because I am carry on

poem needs to think

2009-10-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I Avoid What I Witness

walrus on top of the house
roof hitting floor that gives way
to hit the floor below it
dryer underneath a walrus

this is the kind of stuff
I think about when I am trying
to escape from something meaningful
that will move me
back into this
scary calm

hornet hat
elephant factory

goddamm it
I’m at it again

I’ll just guard the floor
and think about things
for a longlong while

poem near food

2009-10-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

Microwave Carousel

I am sitting in a chair
and thoughts are shuffling
like usual these powerful
are just in and out and
I am making faces
alone in this house

a poem that flies

2009-10-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Heartrait

feet on sidewalk
far below
the thunder

green clouds
you know what I mean

I meet you in the middle
of the street
here a few feet
from the pothole

tornado nearing
no matter
take my hand

we lift
into the air
rotating

our feet pulled
awayaway from
each other

violently
we are toss

we are landing on the metal

but there is not let go
no no not this time

we are cradled in
the raised hydraulic arms
of a demolished bulldozer

without opening my eyes
there you are
I feel fine

hungry poem of sneak

2009-10-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

opening and eating

When there is a face
on the carton
i imagine it
is your face

I kiss near the milk
on this photo
of someone
missing
like you
were

but I found you
I found that face
that is your face
not just reminding me
of your face

pouring
placing down
looking forward to
you walking in that door

so I can spill this milk

as I flip
the table to run
towards you
like you have
been gone
from here
for years

poem of something that happened

2009-10-04T08:50:00.003-07:00

dramatrauma

the helicopter passes
towards that nearby lot
where the trees burnt
last summer

we get in the car and travel
these circling lights surround
a car on top of another car
smashed into the dirt

we walk up
blood is on the dirt
someone is moving

foot traffic continue
rubbernecking
and all that

aren't you gonna do something

nah
I'm not at work
if they need me
they'll call me

poem while attempting to stretch

2009-10-04T08:50:00.001-07:00

my arms are not long enough

I can only type to you
and leave messages

poem that drives me

2009-10-04T08:49:00.001-07:00

futurepast

there are three
birds on the top
of one street light
shining on the highway

it is where
the rearview will be
but not yet no
wait

don't scare what is
going to happen
into not happening

give in to what
is happening to us
right now

I pass those birds
and while I am looking
they fly towards
the cloud
so so
far above

phone poem

2009-09-23T19:56:00.001-07:00

Delgile (or fragicate)

I've got nothing
To complain about

I am sunness
And not delay

We gently hold
This window
In the frame
Without breakit

My hand
Is a thin
Pane away
From touching yours

I will wait
Long as it takes

To get through this

Without
destroying
anything

poem while driving

2009-09-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

Thinking of You and Imagining the Whole Highway Crash

drive and think
about you consistently
I am eyeing
these cars
surrounding

because I expect
they are jelous enough
of this look
on my face
to make every
car flip

rotate me

as I drive

thinking of
you rolling
onto

traumarang

2009-09-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

Burnagain

I have been under
water and on
fire
for fifty oxygen tanks

I explode

and in my place
is another me
that is exactly
as the last one
but a little different

during the
sea cucumber
time lapse
this process
can be seen
in the background
in high definition

redeath
burn again

ohyeah

2009-09-13T22:07:00.003-07:00

BradPitt

When I interview him

I talk too fast
and my voice shakes
a little

he is so calm
and unimpressed

but I am trying so hard
to make him respect me

poem about distance

2009-09-13T22:07:00.001-07:00

There Isn't Much Touching Going On

I am looking out a window
there are cars
lining a curb
there is a cat nearing

it is almost suntime but
the streetlights are on

I touch the mirror

I touch the dog and my hand

moves deep into
the cereal

poem written at work

2009-09-13T22:05:00.002-07:00

Camareas

on a thin tower
near the city
wasps swarm
around the survailencers

and on screen
miles away

it looks like
the bottoms
of wasps
not

the spread out
cityscape
surrounded
by forests

in the fridge poem

2009-09-13T22:05:00.001-07:00

Fullhahness

I aint got nothing to say

I am a sodaful pitcher

I have felt sustainable
empty and alone
cabineted

but it is so nice
and cool
where lights are

here when you need me

slow motion sometimes

2009-09-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

W8

those crowds
move on

but I lurk here

looking for you

there are backs
with necks
above them

I know you are here

I am not going anywhere

one more

2009-09-09T19:44:00.001-07:00

Earthature

these days
there is a closeness
in this distance

things can remain
somewhat hidden
while so far away
and smaller
than usual

but they don't have to

I magnify through this
and amplify
I fye

you are suddenly close
enough to witness
with me

true poem

2009-09-09T16:48:00.001-07:00

Officetime

plastic wheels on
carpet on
concrete
one floor
above
the ground floor
where the lobby is

there are walls
between us
rolling in our
chairs

it is just
so quiet

I bang
my knee
on the
cubicle

someone laughs
walls away

different kind of scary

2009-09-09T16:39:00.000-07:00

In Rockingchairs

I am one of the happiest people on earth

because this happiness doesn't bother me

and that
whatever that is
it doesn't bother me

because I am
so near
you

that while you are across
this earth it doesn't matter
I roll over in bed
and I feel your warmth
I put my arm around

my thoughts are song
and this dreary world
can surround this song
like a million conductors

so no matter
no bother

no distance is distance

2009-09-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

after reading your letter there was flood without death

my heart was beating me
from inside

then I opened the envelope
that is when the smile started

now it is a month later
and there is still smile

hahhy

hahhness

I replied

I mailed my heart to japan

where you could hold it

until I get there

Damn Dude

2009-09-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much DJB, you don't know how much that means to me man. Really, thank you. I often say you don't know how much that means to me in regards to positive feedback. I was never a tell him you like it kinda guy in person I guess. So when you stumble over, and take note, it impacts me more than I can describe without offering life context that is too complex. And I must reply, yes, I am in it for these words, DJB.

poem to internet existence

2009-09-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

to myself when I write on the internet

you know what
my problem is
with you

you don't have
the balls
to go after
what will truly
make you happy

you know how to sit
you know how to click
with the best of them
but what else

is that it

Honestly I am in a chair right now

2009-09-05T17:09:00.001-07:00

I am Looking Not Running To The Store

from here i can see the earth
a small little part of it
incredible detail

my face has touched this
by force

and since then
I have had a
loving connection

the blue screen in the other room
is the only light
that will work

I am out of bulbs

poem written on a phone (unedited)

2009-09-04T19:04:00.001-07:00

Score

This heart was
a crushed
Soda can

Now
That smashing action
Is reversing

And where there was
Stress in the bend
Now there is song

I state unhappy
And alone for a long time
It was easy to write about that
But this as I am filling up
Unwrinkling this

It is so hard to record
And stay unsentimental
When you have been crushed
And we are both boxing those hearts
In the center
As they refill
With blood

i bought milk water chips and m & m's for a friend

2009-08-27T21:21:00.001-07:00

this is not intimate

I can’t help
but look
at your
teeth
when you lean
in like that and
compliment me
on my choice
of chocolate
milk tonight

I say credit

I say I know what you mean

shh

2009-08-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

My heart pulls my body

it could be
a door slamming
over and over

that sound from the center

where my heart is surrounded
by butterflies and it's trying
to mimic that standstill velocity

it must be
accidental

but it
powers me

and I toward

lonliness near machines

2009-08-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Highfive

I lifted this
hand and touched
the computer screen

I said
oh yeah
quietly

and looked around
my messy room

the dog was just staring at me

time zones are crazy

2009-08-23T22:04:00.000-07:00

Disdance

it goes
from eight hours
to seven hours
to six hours
of sleep
and

rolling around
in bed like this
doesn’t slowly
move me
closer
to you

I foster this
empty feeling
inside the hot air balloon

my heart is
thirteen hours
behind
my body

phone call simultaineous

2009-08-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

I Appreciate Your Understanding

I know
it is tough to stay
close to me
for long

and when
I must do
something
that is true
but difficult

I thank you
for taking it
in stride
and
not cutting
me off

because
I have such hopes
for you
and I want to be
around when
you get there

stays puts

2009-08-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

When Any Kind of Circles Form

my stomach hurts
I am shavingcream

I sit in a
folding chair
and burp towards
sportscenter

I motion towards the dog

after I search my contacts
and end up empty handed

after I put
the cell phone
on the table

I sweep my hand
towards
repeatedly

the dog doesn’t move
and I don’t know
if anything
is moving closer

poems about poems

2009-08-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

You Look at Me, Your Eyes Say Hide For a While

sometimes
when I write a poem
I can not show it to you
because it is about you
and I don’t want to scare
you with how I feel

Thisworld Thegiant

This is not being written
in a room full of books
or a room with paper
on the wall
or a public space
where people may
witness these actions

I am in the middle
of a lifetime
that is not full of nostalgia

you are where I write
there is broken glass
here and dinosaurs
that are larger and
overdosed bodies
and badminton

I write in a giant
where I study
tapes of my past
and adapt them
into notes
of what I felt
of where I could of
done better

I pace back and forth
all these things
are happening silently

poem written with a dog laying on my foot

2009-08-19T21:20:00.001-07:00

Enough things stay closed

when I tried to get on
line

a text box
popped up

host refused connection
try again later

when I tried again
it repeated

I was at ease
while I was

used to this
feeling
that drives the car
late at night
to see the city empty

unconditionally
accepting

while the grey bird
touches the pizza
place’s awning

you are somewhere sleeping
and I jingle toward the lock

dos

2009-08-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

Reallyreally

after I get home from work

I sit
in the easy
chair

there is no one to call

I pet the dog

goddamm
I don’t like food
I’m not tired
the house ain’t clean
but I ain’t cleaning

I wish I could ask you
to marry me
and you would fly
from where you are
to where I am

I would clean
so fast

and cook
delicious

really
will you marry me

no metronome

2009-08-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

Sososupermarketism

then my basket
became so heavy
when I settled
on some tootsie rolls
I had never felt
so lonely

traumahawk.

2009-08-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

Traumahawk

it rotates in
the air
eye level

nearing

that weaponbird
or a voice
just as devastating

will wait
just beyond
the confetti

when there is
confetti

fast falls

2009-08-09T01:47:00.001-07:00

I am the color of the road

because I quickly
touched the road
by force
with my face

gravel under my skin

leftovers
of last night's dinner
including haddock

well
my car is destroyed
we can still walk
if you wanna

true right now

2009-08-09T00:26:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if that is you waking up or someone getting home

I type quietly
and hide the cats

apology
apology in advance
for the mess
I have not cleaned

I am hiding from you right now
in the room next to you
telling myself that
if this is not okay

if I cannot work while you sleep

then this will never work

but i promise you

I will not sleep with you tonight
out of respect
and if I scare you
by staying up
and making you feel lonely in a weird place
then I am sorry

I am scary

that will not end

first post that is not a poem or update

2009-07-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have put up 53 posts, counting this one, since I became leatherized. It is raining very hard right now. I was feeling lonely, because one of my friends is out of the state and the other one is at work. I thought about going to the bar tonight. That might be fun, I thought about taking someone home and them thinking that my house is messy. I wouldn't make them wait outside in the rain while I cleaned, though. That would be rude. I know I will be the only one coming home from that bar though, so I don't really need to worry. I just decided to open a cherry coke and smoke a cigarette.

Anyways, as I was going to say, 53 posts in, feeling lonely, raining, I thought- hey I will look at the statcounter and see what is going on. Maybe I will feel less lonely. Nope, not today. I have about thirty visits from four people or so over the last three days. I know that summer is the slower, and hits are down, but goddamm. The numbers were so low, it surprised me.

If we didn't live in a digital age I may have been a monkler by now. I would go off and monkle in solitude.

I hate this post, I wish it was an update or a poem.

I quit my job landscaping a short while ago, I cannot get another job, despite trying.

I like the way my dog is sitting with it's front paws touching my feet.

I really want to delete this post, but I am denying myself.

It is like when I really want to follow a sexual urge, but I know it will be emotionally damaging in the long run, so I hold off, and don't say anything.

Sometimes I am willing to enter emotionally damaging situations, other times, it doesn't interest me.

The world at large is mindboggling. Alot of people I know want to ignore most things that are actually important in terms of quality of life and mental health, and I understand that, I do that. But it gets really bad. There is alot of small awareness and mental instability that tries to feel more stable by throwing any other, particularly intimate others, out of whack.

I was thinking about Sam Pink talking about books not changing anything for him. I will say this publically, getting books out there is that much better than never hearing again whenever you send a book out. It kicks the ass of putting things in emails and never hearing from them again. Or mailing them in large or medium sized envelopes and never hearing again. That shit just powersup the attitudes offered in general, from the general you. And really it is okay, but it is worse than having someone believe in what you are doing enough to publish it. I am resigning to the fact that I will continue to try for my entire life, and always be under and quieter. That is fine, I will never stop, I can do some things I wanted to do through books on the internet. I think. I guess all I mean is that rejection from most angles in life is better than rejection from most all angles.

I am embarrassed or something. I refuse to delete.

poem I wrote after writing the header to the last post

2009-07-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

Stuckness

saltyslug shapes
melted together
in the shape of a
wall
that is almost
translucent

it takes energy
to move through

and I know
that you aren’t
there
waiting
but I don’t
expect that

there is
cleaning
to do

there is a lot I can
do on my own
to become
worthy
of your
company

it has been so long

I am sorry
but yes

I am
working
on it

poem about when I emotionally related to stuckness

2009-07-20T01:59:00.000-07:00

Someone Pushing a Shopping Cart Got Caught In A Pothole at the End of My Driveway While I was Getting Out of the Car

the cart noise stopped

I watched
and felt guilty
while you
couldn’t push
that cart out
the hole

I am sorry
that I only thought
about helping

and only moved
to stay hidden

when you stepped
back and leaned your
forehead on the two liters

I used to think it was nothing, now i think it is loneliness

2009-07-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

This Loneliness Keeps Safe

no approach

no need
to bother
you

when I do look
I watch
very intensely

my lonely
powers this

I feel scary

but
I would never
destroy
the world

I can’t hurt
these odds

it will take an
entire world
to make
some friends
at this rate

that's fine
by me

slowly

slower

that's it

sometimes i burst through the cave wall but most of the time i just fall over

2009-07-17T01:53:00.000-07:00

I Have a Shady Past

at midnight
on the bar patio
the group behind us
celebrated

someone I didn’t know
gave a speech about how
they were still intimidating
and lovable

I finished my drink

if I was still
anything
I was last year
I don’t know
if I would of made it here

here’s to steadfast

here’s to the end
being much different
than the beginning

this is what happens everyday

2009-07-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

I am a Terrible Daily Routine

what are you standing for
she asked me
and I sat down

I was going to go
it is the end
of the night
and the dog
must be lonely

I will go

I will wait for a
naturally occurring distraction

I will
look in the rearview constantly
and break it off the car
and carry it into the house
where I will find that
the dog got out

I will sit in the armchair
to stare in the mirror
and earn
my new set of regrets
that will distance me
from social interaction
tomorrow

pleaseplea is a compound word

2009-07-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

Can I Wash My Face With Your Feet

I need to feel
your skin
on my fat

and I know
if I try to touch
you will spin
and go

my pleaseplea
just kick
so gently
repeatedly near
my nose

I will pour
the water on
I will close
one eye

just do me
one favor

leave a mark
I would like
something
to last

poem to remind myself that I am lucky to have more than one eye

2009-07-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

Away and Offaway

I don’t know much about
most everybody on the planet

and that is why
I write to you
everyday

I can feel you
not watching

and it
doesn’t bother

this is inscribing
a tombstone
for a fifty years

so that it may stand
in the graveyard
and let others
know

it is okay to die

others have died before

it’s alright

it is saying it is

okay to inscribe
your tombstone
your entire life
and have nothing
but an invisible
towering grave

buryburybury

2009-07-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

buryburybury is my new poetry series put out by pangur ban party.

Pangur Ban is a good thing, DJ is a good guy.

You should look at this book, then open every other book and look at them also.

Look for a brief appearance by Michael Jackson in this poetry series.

Brand name items you may see in this poetry series are RC Cola, Nilla Wafers, eBay, Tetris, and more.

Find the honesty, sex, inability, lonliness, yearnyearn, sustaining, implied hope, terribleterrible, and burying.

It isn't as bad as it sounds.

There is alot of honesty.

slow motion sometimes

2009-07-09T17:17:00.001-07:00

Watching Baseball on Mute

a person
behind the backstop is
yawning next to a woman
on a cell phone waving

I read her lips

she yells
"it's me"

for a second
I feel like I recognize her
and want to hug the tv
because she is leaving me
a message right now

I don't move

because then I would be alone
hugging a tv
because I watched someone
connect with someone else
in the background

and that is
just sad

who am I kidding

I kneel next to it
and embrace machine

pretty petty shit

2009-07-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

My Moon Shaped Heart Has Two Sharp Parts

last weekend
it took
fifteen
minutes
to destroy

I looked at
my watch as
you worked

that is why I know
how long it took

I walk over to
the vcr and hit

rewind

you know
I wish
that button
was inside us both

you
know
I wish

when I stomp the ground my dog stops barking

2009-07-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am Always Wearing an Invisible Space Helmet Filled with Invisible Water

after I get
the mail

when I stand
on the stairs
with the mail

I hear a
crowd outside
and I get
scared insideinside

time to finish
what I am doing
with my heart hard
and vibrating from
my chest
to your kitchen

for no reason
as
usual

what
do we have here
no bills
just coupons

emotional buoy

2009-07-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

ten large told me he felt untouchable today

hah
I said and squinted

no really dude
he drank his beer
ten large nodded
can't touch this
that's all
he said

oh yeah
I stretched
in my seat
oh yeah
I thought
for me
it is more like
wouldn't touch this

I said
I know what you mean

getting more fat

2009-07-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Fried Chicken Breakfast

at this point
I am positive

one way
or another

my heart
will kill me